Loss and Grief
Grieving can take place in many forms, whether it’s the loss of a family member, friend, pet, the mourning of a divorce or relationship separation, a miscarriage, or any other impactful losses.
Firstly, it is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Individuals may often experience feelings that they aren’t grieving ‘properly’; however, different people have different ways of expressing these emotions that can be based on culture, religion, past experiences, and other individual differences, such as personality.
The Grieving Process: Coping with Death Video (@watchwellcast)
5 Stages of Grief
According to the 5 Stages of Grief Model (Kübler-Ross) common emotions that are experienced within the grieving process are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
However, not everyone may experience all these feelings, and they may arise non-linearly, or in a cycle, meaning that there is no correct order to experience these emotions.
Typical Symptoms of Grief/Loss
Grief can impact both the body and the mind, leading to a manifestation of a range of physical and mental symptoms:
Coping with Grief
1) Family and Friends: Leaning on loved ones for emotional support and connection.
2) Support Groups: Joining groups where others share similar experiences can be beneficial for creating a supportive network.
Websites such as Mind, have information about joining online support groups.
Cruse has a bereavement phone and email helpline, accessible in various languages, which can be accessed for free here
3) Seeking help from a Mental Health Professional: Professional support, such as therapy or counselling can help provide valuable tools for navigating grief.
4) Practicing Self-Care: Making sure that you are looking after yourself by eating well, resting and engaging in some form of easy exercise or movement.
5) Expressing Emotions: It's important to allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with grief and avoid suppression of feelings which can lengthen the grieving process. Instead, it may be helpful to journal, create art or music, or engage in other creative activities which can act as an outlet for any emotions.
What is the “Anniversary Effect"?
It's a collection of thoughts or feelings that may arise around the time of the anniversary of losing a loved one. Some symptoms of this which are common may be nightmares, flashbacks, low feelings of depression, anger, sadness and anger.
It is important to remember that these feelings are completely normal and valid.
There are ways to handle these feelings, such as preparing ahead of time, commemorating the event, seeking extra support on these days from friends, family, or others who may be able to empathise.
How can I commemorate my loved one?
Annual Ritual: Marking anniversaries, birthdays or other important events with a ritual (e.g. lighting a candle, visiting a graveyard, or engaging in an activity that was important to them) can help keep their memory alive.
Charitable Acts: By donating to a cause that they cared about or participating in a charity event in their name can be a meaningful way to honour their legacy.
Tributes: These can be any form of personal remembrances which help you to remember them. They could be creative, such as a photo/memory album or video compilation, or even carrying around a personal item (such as jewellery or an item of clothing) to offer daily reminders.
Hosting a Memorial Event: Organising a gathering where others can share memories and stories to remember their loved one can serve as a reminder of their impact.
When to see a GP:
- You're struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or a low mood.
- You've had a persistent low mood for more than 2 weeks.
- Things you're trying yourself are not helping.
Reaching out the Staff Counselling Services:
The Staff Counsellors are always here to speak about any feelings and thoughts related to grief and loss that you may be experiencing.
You can access support and contacts for the staff counsellors for the IAEA, UNOV/UNODC, UNIDO, and CTBTO.
In case of emergencies, the staff counsellors will seek to accommodate you within 24 - 48 hours.
Strategies for Coping When a Colleague Dies
Often our colleagues become part of our extended family, partly because we spend a lot of time together. When a colleague is ill or dies, we can feel the loss as deeply as a dear friend. It takes time to recover and adapt to the loss of the dear colleague.
Here are some suggestions to help with coping with the loss of a colleague:
1. Each person will respond to grief differently - Some like to talk about the colleague who has gone and others will not. Be patient with each other. It is very important to acknowledge that you are likely to grieve and to let the emotional process occur as naturally as possible. Suppression of emotions is not helpful.
2. Sometimes the current loss can bring back memories of other deaths of colleagues, family or friends. Talking about these issues can be a great help.
3. You may become concerned about your own mortality and feel that there is so much more that you could do. However, this is not the time to make big decisions and significant life changes.
4. You may feel unable to go to parties and other social events. This is fine and it may be easier to give an apology rather than go and be upset.
5. You could find it difficult to focus on and concentrate at work. Remember to be patient with yourself and other colleagues as no-one is likely to be thinking clearly for a while.
7. It is important to have closure in terms of the relationship that you had with the colleague. If it was not possible to have attended the funeral, then have a small event at which you can say your final goodbye. For example, going somewhere quiet and listening to a song that you both liked.
8. It can help to gather messages from colleagues to give to the family of the colleague who has died.
9. Friends and family may not understand the depth of your reaction. Please ask them to be patient with you and to help you.
10. It can help to talk to a counsellor or clinical psychologist.
Supporting someone you know who is grieving
If you know someone who is currently grieving, some ways you can support them are:
- Active Listening: Providing a compassionate ear, listening without judgement and allowing free expression of thoughts and feelings.
- Help with Daily Tasks: Helping with tasks which may be overwhelming for someone grieving, such as cooking, cleaning, or running errands.
- Remember Important Dates: Providing extra support on certain holidays (e.g. Valentine's day, Father's day), can be particularly beneficial for a grieving individual.
- Being Patient: Grief can be a long and complex process, so offering support without a push to 'move on' can be particularly important.
References
https://www.nationalsafeplace.org/loss-and-grief
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/experiences-of-grief/
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/
https://www.cruse.org.uk/
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